Taking A Tub

When Matthew doesn't sleep well, when Matthew doesn't feel well, when Matthew is all wound up, he asks for a tub. He likes to soak in the warm water and unwind. When he was a little guy, I'd just put him in it. If he was all out of sorts and upset, I'd just drop him in a bath and he'd calm down. It's interesting what water does for autistic kids. It calms them or brings them to life.

Matthew has learned over the years what he needs to come back to earth. Sometimes it's a tub. Sometimes it's his blanket, the library. He loves books and movies. With intermittent runnings back and forth, he could watch movies all day. Today it's Pinocchio. Tomorrow Finding Nemo.

He likes to eat. It shows. Dieting is not part of his lexicon. So, I try to get him to eat low sugar, low fat, low calorie healthy, foods. This is a challenge. A work in progress. Matthew is a work in progress. He's all about being happy. Finding things to do that please him. Some not so socially acceptable. He doesn't care. He's not here for you. I find him irresistibly free of inhibitions and guilt, worry, shame. How life affirming to be so free. I couldn't love him more.

With all of this wonderment comes some pit falls. He has moments of great mental discomfort that he can't always control. He finds himself in a state of rage, fear, panic, melancholy. Sometimes one or two of these. Sometimes it seems like all of them. The happy pleasing myself boy is gone. And in his place is his alter ego. Not sure that's it. But, it's all I've got. His moods have improved tremendously over the years with homeopathy. They have also, improved quite a bit with conventional medicine. But, still he hasn't conquered the dark side.

After one of these episodes he always recovers. Comes back to the boy that he was. Like it was never any different. He always returns to peace. The demons are gone like they never came. Until next time.