Mr. Independence

Ahh! Time alone, at the computer. These days it's scarce. A certain 12 year old has been monopolizing the computer. Tonight he's with his Dad, so I have the house and the computer.

I've noticed quite a bit about Matthew over the last week or so. About his growing up, his independence, his ability to handle more stimuli than before. It's a breath of fresh air, a relief and a moment for a proud mother to boast.

He has been washing and drying his body by himself during baths and with minor assistance washing his own hair. What he does by himself is all his.. no prompting, no assistance. He has been answering many questions spontaneously, with no prompting. This wasn't happening 2 weeks ago.

All this is of course no big deal to most folks with regard to their kids. But, for Matthew these are significant milestones. He is moving into a reality that is making his life better, without losing the preciousness that makes him Matthew. He is joining his peers in that rite of passage called self reliance. The truth be known, Matthew has always been more independent than I would have liked. But, his life is not mine and I have very little say (or at least I should have very little say) in how he chooses to grow up. As long as he is being reasonably safe, his path is his to choose and how he travels along it is his to choose, as well.

I know this is not the philosophy of many caregivers. I have to remind myself often that he is not mine. He is his and his alone. His choice of behaviors are not a reflection on me. Controlling him to make me feel more comfortable is not what it's all about. Yes, this sometimes drives me to tears. And yes , it sometimes brings insecurities to the surface, that result in me screaming. But, I try to apologize to him when this happens. Because, I too am a work in progress.

As long as he and I believe that he will grow and mature like all the other boys out there, I figure, the more likely it is to happen. The more likely he is to become the best person he can be. With love, patience, tolerance and acceptance this boy will grow to be a fine young man. The kind that would make any mother proud.