Going To The Beach

Going to the beach with Matthew has been one of the high points of this summer, so far. We go at low tide so, there's lots of room to run around. We find a stick and then write words and letters in the sand. Then he announces gleefully "S is for seagull." or "S is for seahorse." This week it seems to be all S words. Writing shark, seagull and seahorse over and over in the sand is endless fun for Matthew.

I am ceaselessly awed by his lack of inhibition. Racing from one end of the beach with stick in hand, shouting out, in his best sing-song voice "S is for seaweed.". As if he's just made the most amazing discovery. I imagine other boys and girls thinking "Who wants to do spelling. It's summer. School's over." All the while, Matthew is making discoveries and learning and loving it. He's thrilled with himself when he comes up with a new word for the letter S, especially if it's related to water.

We have been to the beach 3 or 4 times so far. There's no sitting and digging in the sand or playing in the water. He doesn't see the point in digging. When he gets his suit wet he wants to take it off. Well, when we spill something at home we change our clothes, right? So, it only makes sense to him to take the wet suit off. This was fine when he was 2. Everybody likes nude babies on the beach. Nude ten year olds is something different. He doesn't get it. Why is it wrong now?

In many ways the more I know Matthew the more I want to be like him. He's not encumbered by inhibitions. He asks for what he wants. He's not afraid to make his needs and wants known. He knows and believes he should have all that he desires. Believes it's his birth right. The look of confusion on his face or the tears that come when the answer is no, the occasional screaming and foot stomping tells me he doesn't get it. It doesn't make sense that desert can't come before dinner. It doesn't make sense that he can't be up at 2am.

He has no shame in his naked body. There isn't a person out there out there, over the age of five who has no inhibitions about their body. We are taught as kids to think of others first, to be conscious of what we look like, to be concerned what others will think of us. From the beginning we are taught inhibition. We are all taught these things and we buy into them. Matthew's not buying into it. Which begs the question..Who's really needs to change him or us?